


Tumblr Inbox Ficlets

by rabidchild67



Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: Ficlet, M/M, Shenanigans, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-29
Updated: 2015-05-27
Packaged: 2018-03-09 15:05:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 2,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3254174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rabidchild67/pseuds/rabidchild67
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So there's an Anon who leaves me random statements about Pinto in my Tumblr inbox and I feel compelled to write ficlets in response.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Prompt:  


“Zach! Hey, Zach!”

Zach looked up from the fire he was attempting to make and rolled his eyes. There was Chris, naked from the waist down except for his hiking boots, shaking his hips. His dick flopped around in a vague circle. 

“Put that worm away before some hungry robin happens by,” Zach snarked.

Chris looked down. “Hey, give the captain a break – it’s kinda cold out here.”

“Then maybe he needs to return to his room.”

Chris walked closer. “Or maybe you could warm him up,” he said, blue eyes crinklingly mischievous.

Zach stared up at him, but damn it if his own dick wasn’t suddenly interested in the proceedings. He shifted sideways to relieve some of the pressure in his jeans. “Maybe I could. What’ll it get me if I do?”

Chris thought a moment. “I’ll start that fire for you,” Chris offered. “And cook breakfast.”

“All that for a blowjob in the woods? Sounds like I’m getting the better end of the deal,” Zach said, laying a hand on Chris’s thigh.

“Not so fast,” Chris said, a glint of something fiery in his eye. “You don’t get to use your hands.”

Zach considered.

“For the rest of the day,” Chris added.

Now he was onto something.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Chris sleepwalks when he's under stress and among other things, he's gotten into his car and driven to his sister's house

“Zach.”

“Katie? What time is it?”

“It’s 3:00 in the morning.”

“I, uh... Holy shit, where’s Chris!?”

“He is here. At my house.”

“What?! He shouldn’t be driving – he took an Ambien last night.”

“That explains the fact he apparently thinks he’s at Ikea.”

“Ikea?”

“He keeps naming the furniture. I didn't know he spoke Swedish.”

“He doesn’t speak Swedish.”

“See, I didn't think kinkpøppi was a real thing.”

“No. No, it’s not. Jeez, I’m sorry this happened. It’s just that – whenever he gets stressed out, he can’t sleep, so he takes a pill, and sometimes he sleepwalks. This is the first time he’s left the house though. I’ll be over as soon as I get dressed.”

“Zach, this isn’t normal, you know – what’s his doctor say?”

“To reduce his stress.”

“Like that’s going to happen.”

“You know how he gets. Listen, don’t touch him or anything, and if he gets agitated, hand him a pillow.”

“A pillow? Why?”

“He thinks it’s the dog. He likes to cradle Skunk like a baby when he’s like this.”

“Aw, that’s kinda sweet.”

“Tell that to Skunk.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Chris lifting up his little niece or nephew to put the star on the top of the tree and giggling and having a great time

"Ah-ha-ha-ha, I love you!" Zach laughs.

Chris turns around, a squirming Luca still in his arms, and their eyes lock.

Zach’s face has gone five shades darker. “What I mean is, I love how you are with him, like you’re such a good uncle.”

An accidental heel too close to his groin makes Chris set the boy down, and by the time he looks up again, Zach is gone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Chris seems like he gets really grumpy when he's hungry so Zach has to always have food on hand

Don’t get him started! Hypoglycemic Pine’s a total bitch, and if his blood sugar gets really low, he gets belligerent, so Zach has to be mindful of the signs. The early ones are subtle, but he’s getting good at spotting them. The slight shaking in the paws, the eyes drawing down. When Zach notices them, he’ll pretend to snack on something and wait for Chris to come take it. He gets no fight if Chris thinks he’s stealing it from Zach. It’s like what he does whenever Noah gets away: if Zach runs in the opposite direction, the dog can’t resist chasing him. It’s kind of pitiful that Chris falls for the kind of ‘reverse psychology’ that works on a dog, but there you go.

Chocolate milk works best, but it’s impractical to carry around. Potato chips, believe it or not, work really well. Someone told him to keep ketchup packets handy, but that seems kind of ridiculous. Zach has taken to making sure he’s at least got something on him – packets of Swedish fish he steals from craft services; those mini Snickers; Devil Dogs are good too, and they don’t taste bad when they’re stale. Zach’s got stashes all over his trailer, his house, his car. His spaces are beginning to resemble a convenience store.

Zach wonders who’s going to take care of Chris once shooting is over, because he’s almost childish in his denial of the fact there’s a problem. He wishes he could pretend he didn’t care, that he could leave Chris to fend for himself, or find someone else to figure it out and ply him with Mike and Ike's when it gets bad, but that won’t happen. He’s considered introducing himself to Chris’s female co-star on the next film, but he’s sure that won’t go over very well, either.

“Hey, ya gonna finish that oatmeal?” Chris says, suddenly at Zach’s shoulder.

Zach finishes stirring in the brown sugar, walnuts, and raisins he knows Chris likes and hands it over. “Nope, guess it’s your lucky day.” Zach’s allergic to walnuts.

“Cool!”

Chris shovels a huge spoonful into his maw and grins. Zach tries to pretend he’s disgusted but is secretly charmed.

Man, when did he let it get this bad?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Chris just really loves food, am I right?

Zach’s Italian, OK? Thanksgiving at his house growing up was something to be prepped and trained for, not unlike a marathon. His mother and grandmother would put out an endless stream of food: pepperoni bread, lasagna, soup, salad. And that was before a full-on turkey with all the fixings. And while many have tried, none of his past boyfriends who’ve been invited have gotten through Christmas Eve and the Feast of Seven Fishes without regrets. 

So he knows what it is to love food – it’s in his genes.

But Chris is another animal entirely. Chris eats with a single-minded dedication Zach has come to admire. He will always thoroughly look at the food, as if appreciating its color and shape, the pure aesthetics of it. He sniffs it on occasion, though inhaling is a better word for it, the way he almost huffs the aromas. If it’s a composed dish, like a salad, he’ll taste each element alone and together. Once the preliminaries are done, he will eat it very efficiently and deliberately, to the point of ignoring all other things. Zach has had whole conversations with him only to realize later that Chris never said a word. 

“Why do you do that?” Zach asks one day; they’re out at a favorite restaurant, and Chris has been disassembling his crab stack to get at the avocado layer.

Chris blinks at him. “Do what?” 

“Eat the way you do, like you’re analyzing everything.”

Chris puts his fork down. “I do not!”

“You do.” 

Chris looks vaguely hurt. 

“It’s not a bad thing!” Zach hastens to reassure, but the affronted kitten look remains. “I think it’s kinda sexy.”

Now Chris only looks confused, but it’s an improvement. “You think I’m analyzing everything.”

“Yeah, I mean, you’re an analytical guy.” Zach begins ticking things off on his fingers. “You’re an actor. You majored in English lit. You need to take everything apart in order to understand it. 

“That’s not it.”

Zach is disappointed. “Well then, could it be some kind of, I dunno, exercise in being present, in experiencing the moment.”

“Experiencing… yeah, man, that’s not it either.”

Zach was a bit disappointed; so much for understanding his boyfriend. “You’re honoring the food and the sacrifices that went into its creation?” he guesses.

“No.” Chris wipes his mouth and pushes his plate away. “It slows me down.”

Zach nods. “I get it, uh-huh. It’s so that you can reflect on the humble pleasures of the meal that’s been placed before you…”

“Naw, man, it’s so I don’t eat so fast. I sometimes get bad heartburn, so I have to really slow myself down.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry it’s not quite so… deeply existential or whatever.”

Zach takes Chris’s hand. “You’re deep enough for me.”

“Ya gonna eat that taquito?”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Chris is so baby - faced when he's clean - shaven, isn't he?

It’s becoming a problem for Zach, to be sure. It’s bad enough that Chris is literally everywhere these days – if it’s not a freaking billboard for _Horrible Bosses_ , it’s busses with _Into the Woods_ on them, and BMW ads with his voice in them. He’s on every late night talk show, every morning show, every magazine. _Jesus Maria_ (as his grandmother used to say), the other day his goddamn stupid Armani ad was peering out at him from the back cover of a magazine in Zach’s dentist’s office!

So when Zach runs into him outside The Bowery Hotel (what the ever-loving FUCK was he thinking walking down here anyway?) having a smoke with friends, it’s not exactly his most rational reaction, but he is beginning to feel as if he’s being followed or ganged-up on. Or something. 

“Hey man, what a surprise!” Chris exclaims, and then there are hugs, and Chris’s face is so smooth against Zach’s face, and he smells so damn good, Zach nearly whimpers.

“You look good,” Zach says completely out of the blue, and of course Chris blushes, of course he does.

“Thanks. I thought you were out of town?”

“I just got back this morning,” Zach says. It’s not a total lie, because he did. Never mind he happened to know Chris was staying in New York through the weekend, so they could have gotten together to hang out, they could have. 

And there it is, the fading in Chris’s eyes, the disappointment as he realizes Zach deliberately let him believe he wasn’t going to be around.

“Well, we’re just about to get some dinner, you wanna come?” 

He can’t look Zach in the eyes; he’s staring at some storefront across the street, and Zach feels like a heel. “No, I um, I’ve got a thing.” With his boyfriend – why can’t he just fucking say that?

“Oh, too bad. Well, we’ve got a reservation, so…” He gestures vaguely over his shoulder and the group of them head toward East 3rd. 

Zach doesn’t watch him walk away, because he’s got to be going home now, to the boyfriend who’s waiting for him. And he totally doesn’t touch his face because he can still feel the tingle of Chris’s smooth, warm skin against his. 

He has an itch.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Chris and his pretty blue eyes and pink, full lips and ability to carry around Anna like she's a feather. It's too much!

“No, seriously, it’s too much, dude. Put me down.”

“What, now?” Chris looks around them; they are in the middle of the stairs. “I don’t think you’re gonna be able to walk up the stairs if I put you down.”

Anna thinks for a bit, looks up at the remaining stairs, then up into Chris’s pretty, pretty eyes. If she wasn’t hopped up on Percocet, she’d have a better answer. “You’re only saying that because it’s true,” she grumps.

“Aw, come on, it’s just a few more steps, and I’ll have you in your bed in no time.” 

He takes the last few steps almost effortlessly. Anna has rarely felt so taken care-of. It’s nice, and she hates it.

“Besides, you’ll be in enough pain later from that broken ankle when the painkillers wear off – let me help out.”

“OK.”

He gets her to the front door and prompts, “You have a key?”

“Oh yeah,” she says, and searches through her purse. Once inside, he sets her on the couch, dims the lights and asks her if she’d prefer music, TV, or nothing.

“TV,” she said. “Are you going?”

“Do you want me to?”

“No.”

He makes them American cheese omelets and eats most of hers, and they’re sitting on her couch in the near-dark, a Get Smart rerun on the television.

“It’s starting to hurt,” she says, indicating her foot. It is resting on a pillow on the ottoman he pulled over earlier. 

“You want another pill?”

She shakes her head; they make her feel weirdly floaty. And nauseous. “I’m sleepy.” She lets her head fall against the couch.

He turns his head; until now, they were sitting shoulder-to-shoulder, so his face is really close. He faces away from the TV, so his eyes are dark; his lips glisten. It would be so easy if she leaned forward to kiss him.

“Do you want to?” he asks.

Had she spoken out loud? 

“Yes?”

“You’re not sure?” He’s amused.

“I probably won’t remember in the morning.”

“You’re probably right.” 

“But I want to.”

“Then we’ll wait.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon prompt:  
> Chris getting a sunburn and Zach teasing him because he's so pale

“Oh my God, you’re like a little lobster! Louie the Lobster.”

“Man, shut up! I have a photoshoot in three days.”

“No, I love it! I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this. Ordinarily you’re so careful in the sun.”

“I fell asleep on the deck. I blame Bridges, man. Those brownies.”

“He did say they were homemade.”

“Well I just thought that meant he didn’t use a mix! I ate, like, three of ‘em.”

“Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”

“Fuck you and hand me the aloe.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon prompt:  
> Chris is always adorable and sweet

“What are you doing, Christopher?”

“I’m being smolderingly sexy.”

“You look like you’re trying not to fart.”

“No, this is sexy, trust me.”

“Get off your hands and knees that’s weird.”

“It was sexy in Secretary.”

“I mean, there was context in that film.”

“Come on, you don’t like it?! How about this?”

“I will always like your hand on my crotch.”

“No, I meant the expression on my face. Is it doing it for you or what?”

“No, still wouldn’t classify it as a ‘smolder.’ More like a puppy who’s had an accident on the carpet.”

“Dammit, how am I going to get this role? The audition’s tomorrow.”

“Do what I do. Don’t wear your contact lenses.”

“Huh?”

“If you can’t focus on anything, or if you look like you’re trying to, it makes you look mysterious. Take your glasses off. There you go. Now, think about pi.”

“Like, apple and cherry?”

“No, like the ratio of a circle’s circumference to its diameter.”

“Someone got all A’s in geometry.”

“Just do it… Was that it?”

“Yeah. What do you think?”

“Well, I mean, I find it sexy, but anyone else might think you’re having a stroke.”

“Shut up, I hate you.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon prompt:  
> It's really cute when Chris gets teased because he turns pink and gets completely defenceless and Zach loves him for it

“What are you doing, stop it.”

“What do you mean, ‘What am I doing?’ I am just sitting here.”

“You’re too cute, stop it.”

“Fine.”

“Now you’re all grumpy and it’s even cuter. Please stop it, it might kill me.”

“I wish it would, I hate when you’re like this.”

“Your face is all pink and adorable.”

“That’s cuz you’re bein’ an asshole.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I’ll stop… Except no! You’re still so cute!”

“I hate you, I hope you die horribly.”

“Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Argh! Blech, phwytzzzzzzz….”

“Hardy-har-har, stop pretending to be dead, Zachary.”

“…”

“That’s not funny. Like, even a little.”

“…”

“Oh noes, my boyfriend is dead, whatever shall I do?”

“…”

“Well, I sure hope I’m in his will. I shall use all his money to travel the world in search of the ultimate striped cardigan to honor him.”

“Hey, that’s not fair making fun of the clothes of a dead man.”

“He lives.”

“I’ll have you know I am looked up to as a fashion icon.”

“Where? Stripesburgh, Stripesylvania?”

“And many other places. You’re still cute when you’re grumpy.”

“God, is that waitress ever coming back?”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon prompt:  
> Chris breaking his leg and trying to do things for himself, but it turns out that he's really clumsy on the crutches. Like, even clumsier than he normally is.

“What happened?! What… am I seeing here?”

“I fell.”

“Clearly. But how? I mean, you’re supposed to be on the couch with your leg up. This is not convalescing.”

“Shut up and help me out of here?”

“I don’t know if I can without the Jaws of Life.”

“The fridge is on wheels, just… pull it forward a bit more.”

“Here, take my hand. Upsy-daisy!”

“Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow. OW!”

“Wow that is a lot of dust bunnies.”

“Can you just help me to the couch?”

“Fine, come on. There we go, just a few more feet.”

“Thanks. Man that was intense.”

“Now tell me, because I have to know: how the hell does a person on crutches fall behind his refrigerator?”

“Anne Bancroft was back there.”

“And…?”

“And she was meowing and meowing, so I had to get her out.”

“Kittens are smarter than you think. She would have found her way out eventually.”

“Yeah, but there are dangerous things back there. Potentially. A compressor. And like, Freon.”

“I’m pretty sure they don’t use that stuff anymore.”

“She was mewing, Zachary. _Plaintively_.”

“Ah well, OK then. Where is she, anyway?”

“I dunno, she scampered away as soon as I got a hand on her.”

“…”

“Stop laughing, you dick.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just… you had to see yourself. Oh come on, stop pouting.”

“I’m not pouting, my leg just really hurts.”

“Awww. Do you want some Aleve? I can plump up your pillows. I brought cupcakes, you want one?”

“Yes.”

“To which thing?”“All of them.”

_“Mew!”_

“There she is. Ms. Anne Bancroft, do you know what a fright you’ve caused your daddy?”

_“Mew-mew-mew!”_

“I think she’s laughing at you, too.”

“No, she is apologizing. I forgive you, my darling, my love.”

“Just promise me you won’t try to rescue her again, not until your leg heals.”

“I don’t know if I can make that promise. Look at this face.”

“That is the face of a kitty who has her daddy wrapped around her little paw.”

_“Prrrrrrp!”_

“See?”

“You’re just jealous.”

“Of a kitten?”

“She spends a lot more time in my lap than you lately.”

“I can remedy that. Immediately.”

“Don’t be a perv. She is just a child! Aren’t you my tiny baby? Yes, you are. Yes, you are.”

“Oy, I think I’ll get you that cupcake now. And a double vodka for myself.”


End file.
